and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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