Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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