And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
