Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i drank out of a bidet.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
