Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
