I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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