Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize