clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
