Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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