I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
