You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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