I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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