therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want to make out with him forever
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
