i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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