We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
