you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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