I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
