it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
