before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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