Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
