I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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