dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize