Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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