sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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