we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
