my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize