apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
