So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
