Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
