Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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