I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
