if you like me you must not know who I am
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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