like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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