Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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