dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
