It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
