wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize