he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
