they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
