we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she looked like the before picture.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
