I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
