We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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