found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i think my cat just said my name.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
