I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
