Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
