So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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