my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize