Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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