Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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