Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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