CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize