I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
