I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
