Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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