We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i came on her dog
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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