It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
