P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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