come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
