I bet he comes in French.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
