D3 body, D1 cock
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
