Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
