I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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