I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
