Apparently you make a good broom.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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