And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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