that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
